Celeb Birthdays: March 11

Actress Thora Birch of Ghost World is 25. Seriously, Thora, get a new agent! Why is Jessica Alba in movie after movie while you languish unfilmed? What is wrong with the world? See Thora Birch's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Twin tools Joel (pictured with baby-mama Nicole Richie) and Benji Madden of Good Charlotte are 26. I don't even know what to say about this thing with Benji and SWSNBN,FPFHHP (try fitting those initials on a tacky-ass blingy ring, buddy), except that their photo-op relationship is definitely feeding her horrible power in a most horrible manner, and that it is beyond creepy and bitchy to date your best friend's boyfriend's identical twin. At least I can console myself with the knowledge that consecutive-sign couples (say it with me, people) DO. NOT. WORK. Read CelebAstroBlogy posts about Joel Madden

Destiny's Child 1.0 member LeToya Luckett is also 26, should anyone care. See LeToya Luckett's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor David Anders (Heroes) is 27, as is rapper and grill-bedazzler Paul Wall. See David Anders' birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Author Christopher Rice is 30.

I'm not exactly sure what profession to characterize him as having these days -- it's certainly not "actor" -- but Johnny Knoxville is 37. See Johnny Knoxville's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor-director Terrence Howard is 39. See Terrence Howard's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Whiny, bespectacled '90s songstress Lisa Loeb is 40. See Lisa Loeb's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time),

Actor Wallace Langham of CSI is 43.

Actress Alex Kingston of ER, another acronym show I do not watch, is 45. See Alex Kingston's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor Elias Koteas is 47. I don't really know who he is, but I think he's somebody.

German singer Nina Hagen is 53. See Nina Hagen's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Director of masterfully idiotic films Jerry Zucker is 58. See Jerry Zucker's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Bobby McFerrin, who is apparently still recording and perfoming (what's up with that?), is also 58.

I am appalled to realize that last year I somehow dropped the incomparable Marc Metcalf off the birthday list. I would like to once again remind everyone of his awesome oeuvre, which includes being the dickish guy in Animal House, the dickish guy in the Twisted Sister videos, and the dickish demon the Master in the first season of Buffy. "By the way, I like your dress." BEST!

Newsman Sam Donaldson is 74. See Sam Donaldson's birth chart (Astrotheme)

The Rupert of all evil, one Mr. Murdoch, is 77. See Rupert Murdoch's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com and/or Wikipedia. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

Find more web pages about: Joel Madden ~ Benji Madden ~ Celeb Birthdays ~ Celebrity Birthdays ~ Birthdays ~ Astrology ~ Celebs ~ Celebrity ~ Celebrities

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Celeb Birthdays: August 17-18

• August 17

Soccer player Thierry Henry hits 30 today. See Thierry Henry's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actor Scott Halberstadt (Drake & Josh) is 31.

Incredibly annoying, rodent-faced "entertainment" "reporter" Giuliana DePandi is 32.

Donnie Wahlberg is 38. He may call himself an actor now, but he will always be a New Kid to me. See Donnie Wahlberg's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Rapper Posdnous of De La Soul is 38.

Singer Maria McKee of Lone Justice is 43. See Maria McKee's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor Sean Penn is 47. See Sean Penn's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Author Jonathan Franzen (The Corrections) is 48. See Jonathan Franzen's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Singer Belinda Carlisle of the Go-Gos is 49. See Belinda Carlisle's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Hotel heir and spawner of She Who Shall Not Be Named, For Publicity Feeds Her Horrible Power Rick Hilton is 52.

Dexy's Midnight Runners frontman Kevin Rowland is 54. See Kevin Rowland's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor Robert DeNiro is 64. I personally don't think he's all that great. There, I said it. See Robert DeNiro's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actress Maureen O'Hara, who is evidently still alive, is 87. See Maureen O'Hara's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

• August 18

Redundantly named actress Parker McKenna Posey of My Wife and Kids is 12 today. Seriously, do we really need two Parker Poseys? Just the one is pushing it. See Parker McKenna Posey's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Andy Samberg of SNL is 29. How great would it be if "Dick in a Box" wins an Emmy? I just want to hear them announce it: "This is the first Emmy for 'Dick in a Box.'" Best!!!

Musician Richard D. James, a.k.a. Aphex Twin, is 36.

Ex-Cosby kid Malcolm-Jamal Warner is 37. See Malcolm-Jamal Warner's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actors Christian Slater and Edward Norton both turn 38 today. See Christian Slater's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time) ~ See Edward Norton's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actress Sarita Choudhury is 41. See Sarita Choudhury's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor Craig Bierko is 43. See Craig Bierko's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actress Madeleine Stowe is 49. See Madeleine Stowe's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Denis Leary of Rescue Me hits 50 today. Luckily, he has always been craggy-looking, so he ought to age well. See Denis Leary's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Patrick Swayze is 55. May I just ask who had the God-awful idea to cover that God-awful song "She's Like the Wind," which was like the only '80s song that cannot even be enjoyed on a nostalgic/ironic level?! Gawd! See Patrick Swayze's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Comedienne Elayne Boosler is also 55, if anyone cares.

Actor-comedian Martin Mull is 64.

Robert Redford hits 71 today. See Robert Redford's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Director Roman Polanski is 74. See Roman Polanski's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com and/or Wikipedia. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

Find more web pages about: Celeb Birthdays ~ Celebrity Birthdays ~ Birthdays ~ Astrology ~ Celebs ~ Celebrity ~ Celebrities

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Will Prison Change You-Know-Who?

As longtime readers know, I eschew any mention of She Who Shall Not Be Named, For Publicity Feeds Her Horrible Power. But disturbing new developments have led me to believe I must speak out. For thanks to the squinty-eyed succubus' recent underhanded prison-stint pity-ploy gambit, we are all in danger of succumbing to her horrible power. People, do not be tricked into sympathizing with this STD-ridden chupacabra! I am here to tell you that no matter how many copies of The Power of Now or The Secret she poses with for paparazzi, SWSNBN,FPFHHP has in no way, shape or form become enlightened, humbled, or mature via her recent "tribulations." If anything, her own illusions of depth have made her that much more shallow and self-absorbed. I mean, just look at that glamour-shot mug-shot, for Chrissakes.

Very reluctantly, I took a peek (through my two same-sized eyes, I might add) at SWSNBN,FPFHHP's horoscope to see if she is indeed experiencing some kind of meaningful Saturn transit that might teach her something. But no -- quite the opposite. Neptune is retrograding over her natal Sun in media-minded Aquarius, feeding into all her narcissistic delusions about herself. See She Who Shall Not Be Named, For Publicity Feeds Her Horrible Power's birth chart (Astrotheme) Neptune rules spirituality as well as addictions, so it is interesting that you-know-who has gone from drinking to attending church.

It's true that Chiron, the planet of wounding, is retrograding over SWSNBN,FPFHHP's natal Venus, which means -- boo hoo! -- no more parties, freebies, fake friends and expensive swag bags, at least for a while. And Mars in Aries crossing her 4th-house cusp represents the solitary environment she'll be occupying for the duration of her shortened sentence.

But in general, there is little in the horoscope to suggest trauma or stress past the point of ohmigod-I-chipped-my-pedi-level drama. Don't be surprised if she is unleashed back on the Hollywood scene in hours or days for "good behavior" -- and emerges with an insufferable marytr/guru complex that swells her pointy head even further.

Find more web pages about: She Who Shall Not Be Named, For Publicity Feeds Her Horrible Power ~ Astrology ~ Celebs ~ Celebrity ~ Celebrities

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Celeb Birthdays: February 17

If your birthday is today, chances are that you are a total skank. This is a valid assumption based on empirical evidence, for today witnessed the birth of such hallowed hosebeasts as She Who Shall Not Be Named, For Publicity Feeds Her Horrible Power; and She Whose Name Is Denise Richards, Who Is Now Dead to Me, Because Nobody Screws Over Heather Locklear and Gets Away With It. (Look, just because somebody is dead to me doesn't mean I'm not going to post a perfectly good image of them that I went to the trouble of Photoshopping. Jeeze.) Oh yeah, and also Janice Dickinson. I rest my case.

The aforementioned SWSNBN,FPFHHP has blighted this earth for a solid 26 years now. Notice how America has totally gone downhill in that time? Think about it. Read about SWSNBN,FPFHHP's appalling attempt to blame her skanky behavior on astrology

Actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who is cute and should get more work, is 26. See Joseph Gordon-Levitt's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Actor Jason Ritter, son of the revered John, is 27.

Former fat kid Jerry O'Connell is 33. You know, I don't think he's ever going to make an honest woman of Rebecca Romijn? See Jerry O'Connell's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Pop punks Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day and Taylor Hawkins of the Foo Fighters share a 35th birthday today. See Billie Joe Armstrong's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time) ~ See Taylor Hawkins' birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Figure skater Philippe Candeloro is 35. See Philippe Candeloro's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Denise Richards, who is dead to me, is 36. Read about why Denise Richards is dead to me

Nightmare on Elm Street IV star Tuesday Knight is 38.

R&B singer Chanté Moore hits 40 today. See Chanté Moore's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Michael Jordan is 44 and quite possibly skanky -- we'll see what emerges during the divorce proceedings. See Michael Jordan's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Lou Diamond Phillips is 45. See Lou Diamond Phillips' birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Joe Simpson, Svengali dad to Jessica and Ashlee, is 49.

Singer-songwriter Loreena McKennitt is 50. See Loreena McKennitt's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actress Rene Russo is 53. See Rene Russo's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Reality skank Janice Dickinson is 54. See Janice Dickinson's birth chart (Astrotheme, no birth time)

Former Miss America and actress Mary Ann Mobley is 68. See Mary Ann Mobley's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Christina Pickles, a.k.a. Ross and Monica's mom, is 72.

Barry Humphries, a.k.a. Dame Edna, is 73. See Barry Humphries' birth chart (Astrotheme)

Actor Hal Holbrook is 82. See Hal Holbrook's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Birth dates from IMDB.com. Please email me any corrections, additions or—especially appreciated!—exact birth times.

Find more web pages about: She Who Shall Not Be Named, For Publicity Feeds Her Horrible Power ~ Denise Richards ~ Celeb Birthdays ~ Celebrity Birthdays ~ Birthdays ~ Astrology ~ Celebs ~ Celebrity ~ Celebrities

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A Not-So-Blind Star Item

Okay, this is a real dilemma of journalistic ethics for me. There is one individual I have vowed never, ever to name on CelebAstroBlogy, although occasionally necessity dictates that I make tangential reference to her, in which case she is known only as She Who Shall Not Be Named, For Publicity Feeds Her Horrible Power. I have long maintained an unspoken rule that her skanky antics, almost daily fodder for scorn and derision though they may be, shall not be mentioned in this blog, because—I can't stress this enough, people—publicity feeds her horrible power.

But now I am forced to break my silence, because this wretched wench has gone too far. Not only is she making excuses for her whorish behavior, she is blaming, of all things, the zodiac.

A new report has SWSNBN,FPFHHP claiming that her Aquarius Sun sign is responsible for her nonstop partying. {Source} This is absolutely ridiculous. Yes, Aquarians are very social, and she certainly fits the detached Aquarian stereotype of being acquaintances with everyone and truly intimate with no one. But the fact is that everyone has the potential to use the energy in his or her birth chart positively or negatively. Astrology never compels you to do anything; you always have a choice in how the planetary energy will manifest.

As a matter of fact, SWSNBN,FPFHHP is not making good use of her horoscope potential at all. With a Sun-Mercury conjunction and a Jupiter-Saturn conjunction, she could be pushing herself to achieve instead of racking up veneral diseases. Maybe it's rebellious, volatile Uranus at 0°00" Sagittarius, ruler of and forming an out-of-sign square to her Aquarius Sun-Mercury, that provokes this blight on celebrity culture to travel the world crashing into parked cars and making amateur porn. See She Who Shall Not Be Named, For Publicity Feeds Her Horrible Power's birth chart (Astrotheme)

But really, there is nothing in her astrological chart that can explain away quite what a poor human being she is. If I were not convinced of that before, her maligning the zodiac for her own shortcomings would definitely seal the deal. Leave the planets out of this, lady—they want no part of your whoraciousness!

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